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Oh Apple. Just take my money.

Apple Keynote 2015 - Oh, Apple, Take my money...

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“Oh Apple. Just take my money…”

For many people, that says it all. The September 9th Keynote presentation hosted by San Francisco’s Bill Graham Civic Auditorium allowed presenters to unveil updates for Apple Watch, iPad, Apple TV, iPhone, tvOS Watch OS, and iOS. Although the products have changed over the years, the Keynote format, largely, has not. Just like Steve Jobs before them, the presenters walked across the stage with a screen showing larger-than-life images of new creations and smooth text behind them, helping to tell the story of the Apple products which will undoubtedly change everything we thought we knew about these technologies.

Fortunately none of them were donning the turtleneck and sneakers that Jobs was so famously known for wear at these unveilings.

Speakers made a big deal of its teams of people who were involved in the upgraded products, praising their hard work and even recognizing their employees with a round of applause.

The speakers included Apple employees, medical professionals, and program developers. Honestly it cracks me up how seriously these keynote speakers act. I know that confidence and enthusiasm are important in sales, but you would think that they were reinventing the stylus by breathing life into a product whose potential was thought to have peaked in the mid 2000‘s.

Oh, wait.

“This is the most advanced *insert Apple product* ever” they said. I say, “It had better be.” They said it as though it is supposed to be surprising, but the fact of the digital age is that if you are not innovating, you are regressing and likely dying. You can only backpedal on your technology if you are a Windows Vista user going back to XP.

Though I had heard that the most exciting changes were said to be the iPad Pro and Apple TV, I, as a mid-level Apple user, was most excited about the iPhone. This was largely due to the fact that my well-informed brother (who I thank for the title of this piece) had, only two weeks before, wisely advised me to postpone my phone upgrade until the iPhone 6S came out.

I am currently rocking an iPhone 5 whose battery life percentage is no more trustworthy than a three year old who is out of eyeshot and is just a little too quiet. Its screen protector has three years of pocket lint between it and the screen on the bottom half inch of the device. However, it has a very reliable case which not only protects my phone from gravity’s continual attempt to rip it from my grasp, but also has the handiest kickstand. Despite the fact that these problems are largely not real problems, I have resigned myself to testing out Apple’s newest iPhone.

These updates really are exciting. Apple certainly did not invent smart watches, multitasking, giant smartphones, or the stylus, but they have the loyalty that allows them to sit on these trends until they can market their branded version to those who hold their allegiance. Although many of us will not be replacing our desktop work computers with iPad Pros in the immediate future, the groundwork has certainly been laid for more innovations that will continue to change everything we think we know about these technologies.


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